Relationships often reveal to us more about ourselves than it does any other
party involved. Love I have seen takes us to indescribable highs while life
adds a bit of balance by introducing uncharted waters where corners
have to be turned, difficult conversations and experiences navigated, all to
get us to the place of growth.  This applies to platonic and romantic
relationships, as it does to parenting journeys and family life. Regardless of
the ebbs and flows it brings, everyone still desires to love and be loved.

Sometimes we take a step outside our comfort zone and it shows us more about
ourselves than we ever bargained for. Imagine being completely caught off
guard when a friendship evolved into more than you ever thought it would have.
I remember shedding a tear one day as it was happening, not because something
was wrong but because the journey to this place of sheer joy had been so
seamless and what had blossomed caught me by surprise. I could not have written
a better script if I tried. It was perfect. When turbulent waters entered the
chat, we navigated some well, and the corners we didn’t turn too smoothly
is where the chapter ended. One corner in particular is where I
paused (after some reflection) to see what exactly was looking back at
me. 

My response to an issue was to shut down. Not for a couple hours or days but
more like a week or two.  Any close friend of mine will tell you, being
vulnerable is not one of my strong points and “the shutdown” has
often been my go to defense mechanism in the middle of
uncomfortable situations or when life calls on me to receive what someone
else is saying or doing that I am interpreting as being hurtful. The shut
down is essentially my safe place. See, it gives me control on what to say,
when to say it and what I will share on how I feel about it. It’s not right,
but truth be told, I feel that shutting down helps me to keep life
simple. I plead the fifth on whether it’s proven to be a healthy or
constructive practice.  

When I was ready to speak and reached out to the other party, radio silence
was in full effect. At the time, I never once thought that they were mirroring
my behavior back to me but as the weeks of silence went by, I began to see
things from a different perspective. Could it be that for them, like it is for me, their safe space is to shut down which kicks in during times of perceived trouble? The ultimate goal being to protect them from what threatens their boundaries. As I sat perplexed by the silence it dawned on me that we really are more alike than we are
different. The very thing we don’t like concerning the actions of another,
we also do ourselves in some capacity. When we do it, we believe it to be
warranted. When they do it, how dare they.  The game of payback is fierce:
You hurt me, I hurt you and the cycle continues. And no one wins. 

They say the most beautiful experiences challenge us to bring the best
of ourselves to the table. Even if and when these moments end and the dust
settles, it leaves with us a desire to grow from it all. And so I have. I have
become more committed to staying open to pinch me moments and seize every chance I’m gifted with to get it right versus shutting down. When I feel myself tempted to run for cover in my safe space, I whisper a prayer that fear will step aside this one time and my better self shows up knowing she doesn’t have to always be in control.

Thankful for more life and time to do this again and again and again until my best and most true self shows up.